Speak Your Truth: The 3 C’s

Speaking your truth involves the three “C”s: commitment, courage, and compassion.  Let’s begin by taking a look at the first “C”–Commitment.  In your relationships, who and what are you committed to?  If being authentic and speaking your truth is important to you, then it’s crucial that you make a commitment to yourself, first and foremost.  Commit to knowing what’s going on inside of you.  What are you really feeling in response to other people’s words and actions?  How does their behavior fit with your values?  Where are your limits, and are they being respected?  What do you need, and are those needs being honored? What would you want to say if you weren’t afraid of the other person’s reaction?

The first “C” also stands for making a commitment to healthy relationships.  I’m not talking about a commitment to a time frame (e.g. “till death do us part”) nor to a structure (e.g. traditional marriage).  I’m talking about a commitment to the type of experience you want to have in your relationships. For example, a commitment to fairness, equal sharing of power, respecting each other’s needs and limits, and being honest and direct.  Know thyself, and know what you want in your relationships. You have to know what your truth is, before you can speak it!

Next comes Courage. Once you know what you want and don’t want, and you are aware of when your limits are being pushed or trampled over, it’s your job to stand up for yourself.  Sometimes it seems easier to not rock the boat.  You may worry about hurting the other person.  You might be afraid of losing the relationship, completely.  What if your truth really pisses the other person off? That might be scary, but what is it costing you to NOT speak your truth?   If you’re stuffing a heap of anger and building up a laundry-list of resentments, that stress is taking a toll on your well being.  Having courage means taking the risk to express your anger.  Courage means not caring about the untrue thoughts about you that are roaming around inside someone else’s head. Courage means saying “No” when you mean “No”, and sticking to it.  Imagine speaking your truth, courageously, and notice how you feel in your body. Take a moment to close your eyes, and imagine that, right now.

As you visualized yourself, speaking your truth with courage, you may have noticed that your spine felt strong, and you stood up tall.  You may have felt grounded through your hips, legs, and feet. Maybe you sensed a powerful energy circulating through you.  Maybe there was a fire flashing in your eyes or a full expanse of breath filling your lungs and chest. Courage comes when we are centered within ourselves, aligned with gravity, and aligned with our own truth. How will the other person react?  Well, that’s their own business.

I often recommend an article by Tom Kenyon called “On the Nature of Boundaries”.  He addresses the pitfalls of a type of spiritual philosophy he calls “New Age Bullshit” (NAB).   Kenyon writes, “I think that one of the NAB’s currently in vogue is the notion that one should let down one’s guard and be fully and completely open… I think this idea is potentially dangerous and here’s why. We have many levels to ourselves. At one level, the transpersonal, we may be spirit, unbounded by time and space, but at another level we are mammals…We have biology…And our psychological health depends upon balancing our transpersonal (out-of-time) aspects of “self” with our personal (bound by time) aspects.”

Here are two more NAB’s that you might recognize.  Both of these can stand in the way of standing in your truth: 1) “Anger is a negative or harmful emotion.”  2) “To be a “spiritual” person, you have to be “nice” and “positive” all the time.” Kenyon states, “Finding your truth and acting on it regardless of how others might react is the benchmark of personal sovereignty.”  And sometimes, this involves the expression of anger.  You might need to rock the boat, and other people might not like it.  That takes courage!

So, what about Compassion?  Didn’t I just advise you not to care what the other person thinks of you?  Not caring about the other person’s reaction is different from not being compassionate. Of course the other person has their own needs and wants, values, and limits.  Compassion means listening to what the other person is saying and really “getting” them. Compassion is holding a non-judgmental space to witness the other person. To speak your truth with compassion means to take responsibility for your own feelings. Name-calling, blaming, shaming, or making threats is aggressive, and that’s not compassionate. To say “You are an idiot!” is not speaking your truth.  That’s making a judgment.  Your truth is how you feel and what you want and need.

If you can view the other person from a higher perspective, you can have compassion for the challenges they are facing (both inner and outer challenges).  From that lofty vantage point, you might also feel compassion for both of you…Here are two souls in the midst of an evolutionary process, doing the best they can. We all make mistakes and act from old patterns, at times.

As we enter 2012, it’s time to co-create new, more sustainable ways of living on the planet. If you want your relationships to thrive and to sustain love on the planet, I encourage you to make a renewed commitment to be true to yourself, this year.  Have courage, speak your truth! Stand in your power, with love and compassion in your heart.

 

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2012 Astrology Rant: The Biggest Year of our Lives

happy new year 2012As a departure from the monthly rant on current astrology activity, I thought it fitting to highlight some of the big events for 2012. I don’t care how old you are, this is one of the most compelling years of your life! On a scale from 1 to 10, we are looking at a 10 folks, some of the biggest astrology you’ll ever see. I don’t know much about Mayan Calendars or prophecies, but I do know the house will be a rockin’ in twenty-twelve. Let’s sink our teeth into a few of the headliners.
 
To set the scene, think of the Sun–our massive energy source. Every 11 years the amount of sunspots reaches a maximum. The last time it peaked was 2001, remember that year? in 2012 the Sun is going to be loud and shooting energy at us, literally. Some scientists are calling for potential power outages of epic proportions should we get a direct blast. Whether that occurs or not, the Sun correlates with temperature and action, and this year the general amplification will be on MAX. 
 
Next, the major event, the Uranus/Pluto square, reaches exactitude in June and September, and they will be very tightly in major aspect the entire year! Uranus/Pluto is revolutionary, paradigm-shifting, in-your-face, and relentless. It urges drastic measures to modernize and reform–a continual challenge to orthodoxy and forces of stagnation. The protests, turmoil, and mayhem we have seen on the globe is going to reach even greater climax. Whether on Wall St., the Middle East, Russia, or elsewhere, people are going to be demanding fairness and greater equality. Pluto in Capricorn is the concentration of power and wealth for a select few, and Uranus in Aries is suggestive of fighting for liberty. The presidential election in the U.S. is another area we’ll see this play out. It promises to be another hotly contested battle which exposes the underlying issues of corruption, money, and manipulation. This year, look for the ”corporate beast” to be further petitioned and asked to be accountable for its damage.   
 
Neptune enters Pisces in February, another titanic event. The planet of dreaming only moves signs every 14 years, and it only visits its home sign Pisces once in its 165-year tour around the Sun. Basically, we are being invited to dream more consciously…and I don’t mean while sleeping. The awareness that we reside in the externalization of our own consciousness may seem strange to some. By the end of Neptune transiting Pisces, many people will wake up to the idea that there is no objective reality. We exist in a colossal exchange of consciousness, and everything is a mirror of yourself. We can participate in evolution by learning how to engage with the dream space consciously, or we can sink further into the illusion. 
 
There is an extremely rare astrology event on June 5, which occurs about once every 100 or so years–Venus will transit over the disc of the Sun. This is like a solar eclipse, but Venus is too small to block out any light. Nevertheless, it symbolizes a major shift. It’s as if Spirit (Sun) is delivering a message about how we behave (Venus) and think (Gemini) on this planet– can we learn (Gemini) to live in greater harmony (Venus)? The Venus transit of the Sun occurs shortly after a very compelling solar eclipse in Gemini. What’s more, Jupiter also enters Gemini around the same time! All of this is perhaps a shift from dualistic thinking (good/bad, male/female) in order to awaken into Oneness. Expect major works on this idea and for lots of energy around the realization of it.    
 
Saturn goes into Scorpio in early October, and the Lord of Darkness will be in the darkest sign for over 2.5 years. What’s more, it will be in mutual reception with Pluto in Capricorn the entire time. So fascinating–we have this incredibly revolutionary and liberating time, and this event points to further consolidation of power. Saturn in Scorpio can be ruthless and domineering–the more conscious version is a sturdy hand on the helm. The Uranus/Pluto square will be exact for the duration of Saturn’s visit in Scorpio. This sets up a titanic clashing of progressive vs. conservative of the likes we have never seen this powerfully, or for this long.
 
Did you see Avatar? Remember the clashing of consciousness which was portrayed? That’s what 2012 is going to be like. Are you going to awaken into a new reality or be a part of the resistance to it. May we all welcome a new day…and a new year! Blessings.
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The Link between Sex and Soul

Both sexuality and soul-work bring us into contact with the deepest aspects of ourselves. Here, in the shadowy regions that we often try to hide from ourselves and each other, lie the buried treasures that sex and soul can help to uncover.  The evolutionary purpose of the descent into those dark, unconscious and sometimes scary places is to witness, accept and love ALL of who we are.  When the disowned parts of us are embraced, they become powerful allies. By diving in deep, we gain access to the beauty and richness of our full-spectrum Selves…the heights of spiritual expansion, the breadth of our humanness, and the depths of soul.

In a recent interview in The Sun magazine, mythologist Michael Meade talks about the soul’s association with the elements of Earth and Water.  He also comments on the importance of living life on the full spectrum:

“Spirit in mythology and traditional cosmology is connected to fire and air, and it rises. Soul is connected to water and earth, and it descends. When we rise with spirit, we get peak experiences and those overviews of life that include moments of freedom. Soul goes the opposite way. Water runs down. The earth has gravity and pulls us to it. The soul wants us to grow down and become deep like a river. When people talk about “connection,” they’re really talking about soul. The real connections are not surface connections… Spirit lifts the person up, whereas soul pulls a person deeper into life. We’re not supposed to live a horizontal life on the surface of things. We are supposed to live the entire gamut, from the heights of thought and imagination all the way down to the depths of woundedness and the deeper capacity to love.”

Meade’s ideas about the elements of “soul” also apply to “sex”.  Sex brings us deep into the physical body (our personal piece of “Earth”).  Through sex, we get in touch with the body’s root: the pelvis, genitals, and organs of elimination.  Sex also helps us be aware of the energies moving through the core of the body. As Tantra teaches, our life force energy (kundalini) resides at the base of the spine, ready to rise upward, during sex, to connect us with Spirit.  When we enjoy our sensuality and sexual passion, the body is a very pleasurable place to live!

Sexuality also brings us down into the watery depths of our emotions, where we may feel intensely vulnerable, loving, passionate, jealous, lonely, sad, angry….you name it!   Sex can trigger all of our feelings, including the ones we don’t like to feel or reveal. In an intimate relationship where there is trust, mutual respect, and compassion, it’s safe to express whatever comes up.  Raw, honest exchanges between lovers can generate a profound sense of intimate connection.  The degree of healing and emotional bonding that a loving, sexual relationship can catalyze is enormous.  Along with the personal healing and transformation comes an acceleration of our soul growth.  As Joni Mitchell sings, “Love is touching souls.”

Sex is sacred because, at its best, sex is a full-spectrum experience. The rising up of sexual energy can open us to expanded states of consciousness, spiritual bliss, and union with the Divine. The ascending energy connects us with Spirit, and we get to experience ourselves beyond the limits of our bodies and personalities.  Yet, sex is “soulful” when it brings us to our depths: connecting us with our bodies, our most intense feelings, and our love for another human being.    When sex is both “spiritual” and “soulful” we join in loving union with all dimensions of life.

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Current Astrology: Sun in Sagittarius

The Sun enters Sagittarius, the sign of The Archer. This fire sign is active in pursuit of a broader purpose, having something to believe in, and achieving one’s aims. Sagittarius is on the proverbial quest, but having clarity of what is being sought is the lesson. Without clear direction, this sign can manifest as overly-righteous, full of bluster, even fanatical. Nevertheless, having our personal compass oriented to our aims brings the life meaning. There are several major events this month, let’s have a closer look.
 
First, Mercury goes retrograde on 11/24 which will prolong its stay in Sagittarius. We are reviewing our basic thinking about the larger questions. What needs to be updated or just thrown out? We all carry teachings from yesteryear–now’s a great time to question them. Finding a new sense of meaning based on today’s understandings is the lesson. The very next day there is a solar eclipse in Sagittarius. Along the same lines, there is the potential of getting the big picture more filled in. Eclipses are dramatic breakdown or breakthrough times, and this is applied to our fundamental approach to the world. This is a wonderful time to launch your brain into new territory–pick up that compelling book, or attend the neat class.
 
On 11/26 Venus enters Capricorn then will conjunct Pluto a few days later. This has much to do with money, particularly how it relates to vocation, the corporate world, or our financial status. What do you value and spend your money on? What do you support, and what does that say about you? As holiday shopping is in full gear, this combination portends much spending. This is especially so as Venus/Pluto will be trine carefree Jupiter in financially-oriented Taurus. The other issue this combo brings up is corporate greed, which is certainly making the news nowadays! 
 
And revolutions moving forward is totally the theme with Uranus stationing direct on 12/10. This signals a shifting of the tides, the gathering of forward momentum to our ventures. What do you want to reform in your life, or the broader world? Uranus is now on a collision course to exactly square Pluto for the first time next year. Just watch the intensity build these next few months. 2012 is going to be one of the most memorable years of our lives. It’s all about the change we wish to instigate–what’s yours? The world will be going through quite the growing pains, with a Presidential election right in the mix. Modernization vs. tradition will be amplified in a number of ways.
 
12/10 also has a Lunar Eclipse, in the sign of duality, Gemini. We are ready to cleanse our dualistic thinking patterns to arrive at greater Oneness or wholeness in our perceptions. We also may renew confused ideas that separate phenomena instead of finding ways to unify. Putting the mind’s chatter aside will be most helpful in escaping its seductive logic. Greater perspective is the key for this time. Mercury goes direct on 12/13 signaling the time to put our newfound ideas forward and to communicate directly. Venus enters Aquarius on 12/20 inviting us to expand our social contacts and reach out to our allies. The times are a’changin, so time to participate in a rapidly changing world. The astrology is barreling towards greater climax. Now’s the time to figure out what to think, and who to connect with.       
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Current Astrology: Sun in Scorpio

From the position of harmony and fairness (Libra) we enter the depths of Scorpio. The 8th sign deals with interpersonal processes–what is really happening!? Spirit set it up so we experience great highs or lows depending on how we treat each other. (Note how Scorpio’s glyph resembles a roller coaster.) From ecstasy, shared passion and intensity; to pain, depravity, and abuse, this sign is the fast track to learning about the human drama. With Pluto, the archetype of Hades (Hell) as its ruler, Scorpio concerns the material in the shadow. Keeping this material in the unconscious leads to perpetual darkness, while embracing it equips us with tremendous power. While the Sun resides in Scorpio, we may unflinchingly face all of who we are–how we treat others and the broader world.

 
Shortly after the Sun gets to Scorpio, we have a New Moon. This is the ideal time to renew a deep bond; be it romantic, business, or an intimate friendship. What do you want to create together? How can we be more revealing and authentic? How can bonds deepen? If this is not pursued, then there could be a renewal of mistrust, suspicion, or secrets. On the same day as the New Moon (10/26), Venus in Scorpio is exactly square Mars in Leo. This adds the necessity for greater risk and directness in our connections–an invitation for boldness and conquering fear. What have you been dying to do or say? This is a climactic clashing–many relationships may begin, end, or experience a crossroads.
 
Towards the end of October Pluto is tightly trine Jupiter, asking us if we are living with clear purpose and intent. If so, then momentum accelerates in our endeavors. If not, then we can choose to make corrections in our navigation. Where have we been too rigid or dogmatic with our viewpoints? This is a great time to change this to be free of the past. The theme of expansion is bolstered by both Venus and Mercury entering Sagittarius in early November. Our mindset and web of connections can reach out cross-culturally and learn from foreign wisdom–an ideal time to broaden our belief system. 
 
On 11/9 Neptune stations direct–next stop: Pisces. It will stay in Aquarius until next February as it completes its 14 year visit through the Water Bearer. We are further understanding (Aquarius) transpersonal territory before the complete immersion (Pisces) to come. What is your methodology going to be to explore consciousness? Or is escape into television, Internet, or addictions going to reign? What vision do you have of how you, and the world, can be more attuned to the dreaming process?
 
On 11/10 there’s a Taurus Full Moon, illuminating our needs for security, comfort, and pleasure. Illuminated by a Scorpio Sun, intimacy and sexuality are accentuated. The seeds planted at the New Moon ripen to fullness–we can feel so supported by the maximal light, or have our resistances to love and connecting exposed. On the same day, Mars enters Virgo putting energy into the ways and means to improve. With the Scorpio vibe, how can we work on intimacy and dedicate ourselves to an even more satisfying life? Mars will eventually retrograde in Virgo, so it’ll be in the sign of the Virgin for about 6 months.
 
The astrology this month continues to be intense. The Uranus/Pluto square is functioning strongly (Occupy Wall St. for example) in the collective psyche, and we are being challenged to work out our personal issues to contribute most effectively. Let’s take some time to honor others, and perhaps we’ll realize that they are us in disguise!

Many Blessings.

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Current Astrology: Sun in Libra

The Sun enters Libra on the autumnal equinox, when day and night are in balance. Libra (The Scales) pertains to equality, harmony, socialization, fairness, justice, relationships, artistic sensibilities, and romance. The shadow involves many types of salesmanship:  phoniness, placation, co-dependency and using people for self-gain. Nevertheless, Libra qualities serve as the social glue which keeps culture and society going, it strives to find how we can further civilize planet Earth.
 
On 9/25 Mercury joins Venus and the Sun in Libra, all of which will conjunct Saturn at some point this month. There is an emphasis on refining ideas and cementing allies, the application of intentions. Mercury in Libra invites us to develop our voice in the most pleasing ways–a great time for singing or poetry. Venus conjunct Saturn in Libra on 9/29 is the ideal time to further solidify agreements or deepen the structure of a connection. With all this energy in the sign of relationships, it’s time to reevaluate what others mean to us, and take inventory of what we really want in our friendships, business and/or romantic connections.
 
Mars (in Leo) is square Jupiter (in Taurus) in early October. These fire planets in fixed signs signal a clashing of passions, highly dramatic exploits, and perhaps some stubbornness. Whatever is pent up could be released, so best to maintain awareness of what we ideally want to do and say toward others. Anything physical is appropriate, while taking unwise risks are to be avoided. Channeling passion constructively leads to great momentum in our endeavors. 
 
Venus enters Scorpio on 10/9, right before the Aries Full Moon on the 11th. The focus on relationship and passion gets even more intense! Both of these events invite us to reveal ourselves more authentically, to take emotional risks for the sake of discovering deeper intimacy. Underlying dynamics and agendas are likely to exposed for us to work through. Time to reveal secrets so the past can be put to rest. If not, then there could be suspicion that something is amiss.    
 
The astrology this month is quite interpersonal. I believe we are securing our allies and working things out for the astrological fireworks to come in 2012. This fall welcomes productivity and processing. What do you want to contribute, and who do you want to be connected to? Time to get those things in order, because the house is going to be rocking soon.  
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Is “Power” a Dirty Word? Part II

In Part I of this article, we looked at the 4 elements of personal power and how to claim your power, to promote healthy intimacy. Here, in Part II, we explore the juicy potential of power dynamics in the realm of sexuality.

Sex and power naturally go together. Think about the words “passion”, “lust”, “excitement”, and “arousal”…all of these words speak to the fiery, activating, driving quality of sex.  Sex is a primal urge that arises from the vibrant, free flow of our life force energy.  Talk about power…the life force transmits the power of creation! Sexuality involves the coming together of opposite polarities: yin/yang, masculine/feminine, active/receptive.  The joining of these polar opposite energies ignites the spark that creates new life. It’s the same spark that lights up our sexual fires.

On the yang side, we’ve got words like “initiating”, “thrusting”, “penetrating”, “desiring”, and “ravishing”.  On the yin side we’ve got “yielding”, “surrendering”, “receiving”, “allowing”, and “releasing”.  Yin is not better or more powerful than yang, nor is masculine better than, or more powerful than, feminine.  Both yin and yang are essential ingredients to life as well as sex. Yin and yang each has their own type of power.  While we commonly associate power with the more active and potentially aggressive “yang” energy, there is also a power in being able to surrender.

In order to truly surrender…to open one’s self to another, to receive the other person’s energy, and let go of control…we need to feel connected to our personal power.  We need to know who we are and what we want and where our limits are. We need to be able to give voice to our choices and to say “No” to what might harm us. Surrender without personal empowerment is a recipe for losing one’s self or being victimized.  But, when you’ve claimed your power, then you can also play with power dynamics, consciously and safely. That can be quite a turn on!

In The Erotic Mind, sex therapist Jack Morin writes: “I have consistently observed that whenever people engage in sexual power exchanges voluntarily and enthusiastically, whether they play the role of top or bottom, they feel an enormous sense of powerfulness and validation.”  A “power exchange” simply means that one person gives their power, temporarily, to their partner.  The person in the power position accepts the power that has been given to him/her, and uses it with care and respect.  It’s an agreement that may or may not be verbalized or otherwise made explicit.

An obvious way to think about power dynamics in the realm of sexuality is “Who’s on top?”  In fact, we experience all sorts of power dynamics, in daily life, that involve roles where one person is “higher” and the other “lower”.  Some examples are boss/employee, teacher/student, police officer/citizen, and doctor/nurse.  You may notice that these types of roles and their inherent power differential make an appearance in erotic movies and literature, sexual fantasies, and sexy role-plays.  That’s because playing with power can be very hot!

Jack Morin comments that 28% of the people he surveyed report “power exchange” as an important factor in their peak sexual experiences.  When it comes to sexual fantasies, the rate was even higher: 56% said their most arousing sexual fantasies involve power exchange.  He proposes that the reason for this gap between fantasy and reality is that people may be leery of playing with power dynamics in “real life”, for fear of being hurt in some way.

When power exchange is engaged in with awareness, freedom of choice, clear communication, and agreement between those involved, it can be playful, safe, and emotionally healthy. This brings us back to the main point of Part I of this article, which talks about the importance of bringing your personal power into your intimate relationships.  When you embody all 4 elements of personal power, you won’t allow your integrity to be compromised. Then, you know you can safely enjoy playing with power…giving it and receiving it…passing it back and forth.

Let’s review those 4 elements of personal power and see how they are also aspects of sexuality.  The power of FIRE brings passion, creativity, and playfulness into the bedroom. Fire heats things up and gets things going!  The power of EARTH grounds us in our self worth, sensuality, erotic pleasure, and sexual skillfulness. The power of AIR allows us to be aware and make conscious choices, speak up for ourselves, listen, and negotiate agreements.  The power of WATER opens our hearts and makes it possible to love and trust.  Water is receptive and helps with letting go and flowing more deeply into that ultimate release of the big “O”.

So, is power a dirty word? Or is it a sexy word?  The answer depends on the personal empowerment of the people involved, their integrity, awareness, ability to communicate, and willingness to try on (as well as take off) a variety of roles and dynamics.

 

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Current Astrology: Sun in Virgo

When the Sun reaches Virgo we shift from playtime (Leo) to work. Vacation is over, the kids go back to school, daylight is decreasing, and we figure out the plan for autumn. Virgo is perhaps the most organized, methodical, and precise sign of the zodiac. With the Sun here, we have an abundance of focused energy to channel into our works. Virgo holds a premium on competence–in what areas can you sharpen your skills? The shadow is all work and no play, being caught in perfectionism, or feeling not good enough. Managed well, we get the ball rolling towards manifesting our dreams.
 
Shortly after the Sun enters Virgo, Mercury goes direct. This further emphasizes the shift to industriousness rather than process. For 3 weeks we have reviewed and rethought issues over, now is the time to partner outward behavior with what we learned. As the ruler of Virgo, Mercury going direct provides a thrust of energy toward our projects. There is a New Moon in Virgo on 8/28 echoing once again that new ventures are ready to be hatched. Jupiter turning retrograde at the end of August invites us to tune into our inner compass to find direction. All this activity perfectly sets up a very focused September.
 
On 9/9, Mercury enters Virgo adding yet another exclamation point to the theme of diligence, precision, and accomplishment. There is bound to be many ideas developed at this time–the challenge is not to be too conservative with Virgo. Ideally, the mind is connected to the heart. We must guard against the tyranny of reason over emotion and creativity. The Pisces Full Moon on the 12th addresses this issue. The longings and ideals of the heart are illuminated for us to channel into our works. Shortly afterwards, Venus enters Libra bringing teamwork and partnerships forward — finding supportive allies is enhanced.
 
Pluto stations direct on 9/16. Outer planet stations often signal a shift in the collective consciousness. With Pluto, the intensity and urgency that has gripped many people is more likely to spill outwards to be released. We can channel our desires into the various tasks we’re involved in. Mars entering Leo invites flair, assertion, and fire into such ventures. Passions are more pronounced as the Sun makes it way to the relationship-oriented sign of Libra.      
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Is “Power” a Dirty Word? Part I

 

Persephone and PlutoWhen it comes to intimacy, it sometimes seems like power is a dirty word.  I’ve noticed that when I’m talking to women about sexuality, and I bring up the theme of power, many women react to that word with revulsion.  In the realms of sexuality and gender dynamics, the word “power” has become associated with force, domination, control, coercion, and manipulation.

In other words, “power” brings up images of the abuse of power, which involves having power over someone else and using that power to harm.  Certainly, many women have been hurt by someone who misused their power, and historically, women living in patriarchal cultures have experienced centuries of violence and oppression at the hands of men.  But let’s not throw away our own power, just because we don’t want to associate ourselves with those who have perpetrated abuse.

It’s especially important that we claim our personal power in the realm of intimate relationships and sexuality.   In the 60’s, with the advent of “The Pill”, we began claiming the power of reproductive choice.  Through the “Sexual Revolution”, we began claiming the power and freedom to explore our own sexual desires.  And through “Women’s Lib”, we began claiming equal power with men, in our society.  Yet, here we are in the 21st century, and in the privacy of our intimate relationships, women are still giving away their power.

It can be subtle and so automatic that we don’t even notice we’re doing it…saying “Yes” when we really want to say “No”…stuffing our anger so we don’t rock the relationship-boat… giving up our own desires, to support our partners’.  If we abandon ourselves, in little ways, day after day, it’s easy to lose touch with what we really need.  How can we stand up for ourselves if we don’t know what we want or we’re afraid to speak our truth?

Empowerment in intimate relationships starts with your personal power.  First, you need to know yourself, including your feelings, your old patterns, your body, your attitudes and beliefs, your needs and wants, and your connection with Spirit. You also need to know your own limits: What are you willing to experience?  What are you not willing to experience?  When is someone crossing your boundaries? Communicating from a place of power requires the courage to share your thoughts, feelings, and desires, openly and honestly.  Empowerment means being able to say “No” so you can get to an authentic “YES!”

So, let’s think of some associations with the word “power” that promote healthy relationships.  I like to use the 4 elements as a model for empowerment:

  • Fire: The power of passion, creativity, playfulness, and Spirit!
  • Earth: The power of confidence, sensuality, skillfulness, and mastery
  • Air: The power of  choice, finding your voice, communication, and negotiation
  • Water: The power of emotional bonding, feeling your feelings, love, trust, compassion, and forgiveness

I encourage you to bring all 4 elements of your power into your intimate relationship, so that you can share all of who you are and connect, deeply, with all of who your partner is.  When you bring more of your power into your relationship, you can also experience more love, passion, pleasure, and soul-satisfaction!

In Part II of this article on power, we’ll look at the ups and downs of power dynamics in the realm of sexuality.

 

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Current Astrology: Sun in Leo

It’s hot out there, ya feel it? Summer is in full bloom when the Sun enters it’s home sign of Leo. With an emphasis on recreation, creativity, entertainment, and anything colorful, it’s time to celebrate life! Leo’s shadow is hedonism, egocentricity, needing to keep everything sunny, and excessive pride. Nevertheless, all of us need to refresh our vitality and affirm that life is indeed worth living. When Venus enters the sign of the Lion on 7/28, the party really gets rolling! Venus in Leo wants to share, connect openly, and relish in togetherness. We’re invited to warmly open our hearts.
 
Also on 7/28, Mercury enters Virgo as it prepares to station retrograde. In its sign of rulership, Mercury’s capacity for logic, discernment, and precision is enhanced. Best to apply its methodical ways in projects, rather than trying to ”fix” others–remember, this is a time to play! The New Moon in Leo on 7/30 asks us to renew our sense of innocence and wonder. As the Moon waxes, we can ride this upsurge of energy in our playful exuberance. 
 
Shortly after August begins, Mercury goes retrograde. As I’ve been know to frequently state, there is spiritual meaning to everything in astrology. Here, we’re invited to apply additional editing focus to what we communicate so our message comes across most clear. The bulk of the retrograde period occurs in Leo. This is an invitation to add greater pizzazz and style to our words. How can you be a more entertaining speaker or writer? Developing humor or the capacity to somehow be playful is encouraged. On 8/3 Mars enters Cancer–a time to behave in accordance with our emotions. Watch our for unconscious irritable behavior stemming from a reluctance to honor true inner needs. The next day, Neptune (going retrograde) moves back to Aquarius. This event calls for communal awareness, connecting with allies around a shared progressive vision. Feeling part of the broader world assists us in implementing the necessary changes during this tumultuous decade. 
 
On 8/13 the Aquarius Full Moon connects our personal warmth (Leo Sun) with caring about the broader world. Where have you identified too much in separateness? How can you reach out to connect with what is outside of you? Resolving prior issues of alienation allows us to renew a sense of inclusion. This is further welcomed with the Sun’s conjunction with Venus (exact on 8/16), which similarly encourages our generosity and regard for others. As the Sun gets ready to enter Virgo, Venus gets there first on 8/21. This combination brings greater accountability in our connections. How we can join with others in productive ways that help improve matters? Then, August comes to a close, and we move on to schoolwork, the return from vacations, and greater focus when the Sun reaches Virgo.
 
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